I wrote a letter to my younger self – this is what happened…

I can’t believe an Instagram trend prompted this outpouring of vulnerability but here we are. This blog post is an extension of my reel, “I Wrote a Letter to My Younger Self: This is What Happened.”

For reference, here’s what I wrote in my reel – followed by a brief synopsis of the story that explains why and how it all happened…

“In 2016 at the age of 33, I wrote a letter to myself from my “older self” about how my life had turned out. I’m 43 now. Everything I wrote came true. If you can’t envision the future you want, it won’t happen. If you feel stuck, shift your focus… Look toward what you want: write it down, make a vision board, pray about it. Start to create a system of belief in yourself. Because I chose to believe in myself, I believe in you.

In January 2016, my parents were in the midst of a bitter divorce after 34 years of marriage. My father estranged himself from me, and my mother was struggling emotionally and financially. My best friend of 21 years had recently ended our friendship over a phone call after telling me that I drained the joy from her wedding night. Ten years into my career as a speech-language pathologist, I was grappling daily with two students whose behaviors would escalate to physical aggression, and one student who was dealing with the aftermath of unimaginable trauma. Of course, I was also lost in love. I was at the beginning of a relationship that would quickly become abusive and further erode my sense of self-worth.

Luckily, there were some positives:

• I had become a member of the Junior League of Buffalo (JLB) – an organization of women volunteers dedicated to serving the community. Perhaps most notably, JLB masterminds the biennial Decorator’s Show House – a grandeur event where the area’s most respected interior designers restore and transform a historic house here in Buffalo, NY. Proceeds from the event are funneled directly back into the community. My attendance of the 2015 Show House had prompted what would blossom into a great love for historic homes and interior design.
• I found a lot of comfort and solace in playing my violin – I accompanied pianist Frank Scinta at St. Louis Church in Buffalo nearly every Sunday – and had recently had the honor of performing with Frank for one of my best friend’s weddings. The love she had found gave me great hope for my own chances at finding love. (See photos below – post-performance at my friend Missy and Ryan’s wedding: Left photo: Missy’s uncle and trumpet player, Ray Barsukiewicz, pianist Frank Scinta, and me; Right photo: Ray, Missy, Ryan, and me)!
• I was fortunate enough to have several wonderful friends – all of which I’m close with today.

Thanks to the recommendation of one of those good friends, I started seeing her counselor, Deborah. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was deeply depressed. I had been praying to God to take my desire to find a good man and to have children away from me. I didn’t believe it was possible. I didn’t think I deserved those things.

Deborah helped me realize that I was allowing the way people treated me to define who I was – and that I couldn’t see the truth: people are wrapped up in their own pain and confusion, past trauma and sorrow, and their behavior is a reflection of all of it – it’s a reflection of THEM. Not me.

Fast forward to October 8th, 2016 – I was on my way to perform violin for a wedding at the Hotel Lafayette in downtown Buffalo. I was terrified I would run into the guy who I had been dating back in January – because he had referred me to the bride. Turns out, he wasn’t there – but my future husband was. Andy was the wedding photographer. He walked across the Marquis Ball room and shook my hand. One year later, he proposed to me in that same room, and 5 1/2 months later, we were married in that room as well. We had our first son, Matteo, on January 1, 2020. In late December 2021, we found our current home – a 1902 Colonial revival. On August 8, 2021, we hosted my mom and now-step-dad’s wedding, and I told my family I was pregnant with our second child. We had Nico on February 7, 2022, and hosted Andy’s mom’s wedding to his now-step-dad that April.

Fast forward – again – to this past fall: I become tenured as an SLP in a local school district. I love my coworkers and my students. Christmas 2024 brought about a most-unexpected occurance: my father and I reconnected for the first time in 8 years.

In March 2025, Andy and I will celebrate our 7-year anniversary, and I’m approaching my fourth year of sharing the design and renovations of our historic home.

Now with all of that being said, my life is NOT perfect. Andy and I argue and then apologize to one another, I constantly have to pray for patience with my energetic boys, and there was a while there after I had my second son that I suffered from severe post-partum depression to the point where I was harming myself. This past summer, I was formally diagnosed with ADHD, and realized I’ve probably had it since I was a little girl. It’s helped tremendously knowing I can put a name to my struggles and that I’m not just “flawed.” Overall things are good – but I’ll never pretend we don’t have the normal imperfections and struggles that others can relate to and face.
To end with words from the letter I wrote to myself all those years ago: “Stay the course. Do what you love. Cherish each moment you live – life is a gift.”
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope this has given you some comfort and hope if you’re facing a difficult time. As my mother-in-law so wisely states, “this too shall pass.” Remember: you are not alone.