As we round out the last full month of summer – also my birthday month – I want to share something I’ve learned about myself that will hopefully help other women.
At the beginning of July I decided to see a counselor to help me with my work-life balance. Below is a summary of what I told her during our first session – followed by her initial response:
“I often feel like I’m buried between my full-time job as a school-based SLP, my role as a mom of two little boys, a wife, daughter, sister, cousin, friend, musician…all while putting my best foot forward to build a side business in interior design I’ve become so passionate about – Maple House Buffalo.
I’ve spent more nights than not restless, worried, a million thoughts running through my head about all of the things I need to accomplish and why I’m not quite meeting the mark.
Our house gets messy: I don’t know how it happens so fast – I misplace things – and my anxiety increases. I initiate projects before others are completed and experience a constant mental struggle between telling myself “you can do this” vs., “you are not enough.”
I’ve grappled with managing my time since childhood and try to accomplish 20 tasks when I really only have time for three. When I inevitably do not cross off everything on my to-do list, it’s just another visual representation (like the clutter) of my failure. I procrastinate initiating complex tasks (even for example, packing my suitcase for a trip) because I can’t seem to organize my thoughts and experience a sense of dread when I think about completing them.
As a student, I worked hard to maintain attention and spent hours memorizing details and facts – copying over notes and tape recording myself reading the notes aloud. I would put on headphones before bed and listen as I fell asleep in hopes that the information would reach my subconscious before the following day’s test. For subjects that didn’t interest me, I would read a paragraph two or three times before I realized I was thinking about something else and had no idea what I had just read.
My violin teacher required her students to memorize their music with the exception of me. She knew how much it stressed me out without me telling her and decided to place the emphasis on my ability to play over my ability to memorize.
With all of this being said, I’ve accomplished a lot – but with A LOT of effort to overcome these hurdles and the myriad of negative self-talk that comes with them.”
After listening to all of this, my counselor said to me, “It sounds like you may have ADHD, and you’ve probably had it your whole life.”
Mind blown. After a few more sessions and a lot of research, I learned that girls with ADHD often go undiagnosed. Women are commonly not diagnosed until their late 30s or early 40s, frequently after they’ve had children and develop anxiety and post-partum depression, which exacerbates their ADHD symptoms and vice versa.
Symptoms in girls are often subtle are commonly missed by parents, teachers, and pediatricians: inattention, disorganization, poor time management, problems completing tasks, requiring more time to process information and directions (seeming to daydream), shifting focus from one activity to another, crying easily, verbally impulsive.
Symptoms in women can include struggling with time management, disorganization, feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated (thoughts feel like they’re going a million miles a minute), history of anxiety and depression, and issues with money management.
Last week I was formally diagnosed with ADHD and began the process of receiving medication in addition to my counseling sessions. I have already noticed a difference.
So overall, how am I feeling about all of this? Relieved and devastated.
Relieved – because I finally feel like I understand myself: I’ve always had a sense that these skills were more challenging for me than they should be. Now I have the awareness and tools I need to improve and attain a better quality of life going forward. (I’ve even planned a collaboration with a local professional organizer who is going to tackle my pantry organization while I design and decorate her first floor powder room! More about that next week).
Devastated – because I’m about to turn 43. I wish someone would have noticed my symptoms when I was young – school and relationships would likely have been a lot easier for me. I could have avoided internalizing and blaming myself for my symptoms.
To end on a positive note – one of my best friends pointed out, “It’s great that you’re tackling (ADHD), regardless of when. It will benefit your children now, and that’s more important than high school.”
If you are a woman and have struggled with any of these symptoms – I urge you to seek help and tell your doctor. As you have probably gathered – I’m an open book. Feel free to ask me questions, and please know that you are not alone.
All my best,
Kristen
Kristen! You are amazing and beautiful! Everything you do is beautiful. I feel it is because you put so much love into it. Love=thought. I feel this is a gift from God. We take our responsibilities very serious. One thing I learned through the years is when things get overwhelming I think about the things I have control of and leave the rest in God’s hands. I have learned to ask God to guide me in the direction He wants me to go and not try to do it all on my own. Reaching out to others helps us to be Christ for each other. You are amazing and I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. These are all also beautiful gifts. My guess is you touch more people that you could ever imagine. Love you. 😘
Sue – thank you SO much, cuz! I have done the same over the years and at times will stop and pray if I’m feeling overwhelmed – I probably should do that more. I so appreciate your beautiful words and I know you have touched so many lives in the best way possible as well. Love you!